Surely you know that person who tends to complain about everything.

Or maybe it happens to you.

It doesn't matter in which area.

Job.

Family.

Friends.

Society, politics, economy...

Complain about everything as a justification for one's own inaction.

Because the complaint usually aims to anything but solving that which provokes it.

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A complaint is seems more like an excuse.

In order not to take responsibility or seek to repair the damage that has occurred.

In addition, the complaint usually comes from a trial positionwhere you think you are right.

Something I can assure you is never quite true.

What are then the motivations?

When complaining about everything becomes a habit

The complaint may occur in three different ways:

  • Internally through a inner dialogue
  • Sharing the complaint with uninvolved third parties
  • Complaining directly

In any of the three options, the complaint has a background of resentment and frustration.

Almost always because there has been a failure to meet expectations you have created for yourself.

Or you have been created.

What inevitably generates stress unproductive and empty.

The fact is that the complaint does not seeks the action nor the solution.

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Only the reaffirmation and even sometimes the external validation.

Complaining about everything internally causes a recursive internal dialogue which has a high toxicity.

Something that doesn't help you and prevents you from see the opportunities that the situation you are complaining about may report.

Settling into the complaint is also a very easy way to find an excuse to protect you.

Believing that you are right and that others are the ones who have to solve what has happened.

Too easy.

When the complaint is shared with third parties is not much better.

This complaint seeks validation and always causes a worsening of the environment around you.

Even validation, if it occurs at all, is partial and relative.

Since in many cases you also give the others a reason to see you. like the one who has done complaining about everything in their reason to seek the approval of others.

But even if the complaint be addressed in a direct manneris not a good option either.

With this complaint you are not looking for the solution but the reproach.

Put yourself above the other.

To recognize unconditionally your way of seeing the conflict by moving away from the action and responsibility from you to make it fall on others.

Why complain about everything then?

What to do instead of complaining about everything?

In many coaching processes I hear the subject of the recurring complaint.

Own or third party.

The empty complaint that only gets let's stay in one place surrounding ourselves with reproach as a purpose for defending our comfort zone.

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An area that is increasingly gets smaller from that place where there is no room for dialogue.

However, it is possible to break that pattern.

From empathy and self-pity.

Through the statement of our point of view of the problem.

Seeking approach options to the other party.

Active listening and from empathy what the other has to propose to us.

Just with this simple action, the released energy is positive and solution-focused

Where there is no blame game.

Nor is anyone judged.

Contributing our intention to save the situation.

If you are someone who tends to complain about everythingI invite you to ask yourself a question.

What are you hiding behind that complaint?

What price do you pay to keep it?

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